rosedupo

I’ve been trying to eat a lot more fruit lately, of course, to kick off my new healthy lifestyle. So I went to the super to see what they had for me. This fruit cup thing really stuck out at me so I went ahead and picked it up. I get home, crack it open, I’m feeling great that I’m going to be eating these strawberries, oranges, and other various fruits so I go to take a bite and what do I find buried beneath the fruits… cake! The cup was full of cake and whip cream! Who hides cake in a seemingly healthy fruit cup?? Why did I have to pick up this cake cup! I realise there’s not much to this story but I found it amusing so I thought I’d share it anyway. ^.^

Since my binge fest I have been eating a lot better, one thing I let slip past though is yogurt. Now, I never used to eat yogurt and have only started eating it very recently, so I have it in my mind that it’s the type of food you can eat all you want and not gain weight. I mean, it’s healthy, right? I buy these really delicious blueberry and strawberry ones from the super that come in packs of four. They are only 60/64 calories per cup which is hardly anything. So when I feel a bit of a craving, I just go to the fridge and grab one. Well, 64 indeed is not a lot, unless you eat 13 of them in a single day! So now I am up 900 totally unnecessary calories! It’s laughable really, because it’s barely food and it’s costing me 900 extra calories today.  Someone remind me that yogurt counts for calories too!

In my last entry I wrote about setting myself up for a good week… well, it all went well for the first bit of the day, but that night, for some reason, I went on a binge fest. I have no idea why, but it ended up going for another 2 days. So here I am at the end of day 3 feeling sick as can be from all the crap I just ate… and of course now I’m in the mindset of “yes, tomorrow definitely I will do better” but who am I kidding? I’m not going to remember this feeling tomorrow. All I will be able to think about is how hungry I am. I hate this, why can I not control myself? I feel like I’ve gained at least 10 pounds in the last month. Why does this have to be so bloody hard? Everyday is day one for me… and it’s always a failure. I’m sick of it. I’m miserable.

I think I just needed to get that out.

Every morning when I wake up now I pull up notepad and plan my whole day (as far as eating is concerned anyway). I write down which foods I’m allowed to eat for the day, which I’m not, what exercise I would like to accomplish, etc… as well as a little pep talk. Yesterday I didn’t do that, and I kinda spent the whole day eating. Of course, living in Japan is good for that, because my whole day of eating consisted of eating yogurt and fruit rather than my usual box of cookies and bread (only because my usual stuff isn’t available here). So it really wasn’t so bad, but at the same time, I’ve obviously still got to work on controlling myself. Since I’ve found that writing down and planning my days helps keep me on track, I decided I’d write a little entry here to set myself up for a good week. So here’s some stuff that I want to accomplish this week:

-Stay away from binging and junk food (together with my buddy Nicole!)

- Get in at least an hour of walking a day

- Run the stairs at least 3 times a day

It’s not much, but every little bit counts for something. My time here is limited and I don’t want to waste it. Here’s to a good week!

My weight loss journey first began on my birthday (November 1, 2007) and my weigh in was actually 150 pounds (my highest ever). After many hours on the elliptical at the gym I managed to lose about 20 pounds by around March or so. However, my resolve seems to have slipped so much, and I know if I don’t get a handle on this now I’m just going to gain back all the weight that I managed to lose. This is not something that I want to happen! I will not go back, because I will just continue to be unhappy with my abilities and looks. I want to be capable and feel good and not be embarrassed when I’m walking up a flight of stairs with my friends because I run out of breath so quickly. So today is the the day that I finally turn my ways around and go for my final goal. I’m going to write in this blog to keep myself accountable and hopefully find some fellow weight losers to help me along the way.

I will be away from home until September. I don’t have my regular gym, routines, foods, or anything. Not even a scale to weigh myself in and keep myself on track! I find this the most difficult thing because I don’t know if I’ve gained weight or not. I haven’t exercised in at least a month and all I eat is bread and junk. It’s quite ridiculous. I eat until I feel sick to my stomach. Bahh.. what is wrong with me? I know I do it and yet I continue. I’m one of those, “I’ll start tomorrow” type people. And I really never do. So this time for sure. By the time I get home I want to be able to stand on my scale and see that my weight goal has finally been accomplished. Now is the time to do it. Now is the time I will do it.